WHEN PEACE FEELS FOREIGN

is phone rang while we were lying in bed, a small, jarring sound in the quiet of the room. I saw the name light up on the screen and for a second, I froze. Not because he did anything wrong, but because every man before him did. I’ve seen guys snatch their phone like it was a lifeline, flip it face down, step out for a "work call," and lie straight-faced while texts kept coming in nonstop. My body was trained to tense up, to brace for the inevitable lie, the sudden coldness, the quiet betrayal.

But when I looked at him, he didn’t even flinch. He just smiled, a gentle, knowing smile, and calmly said, "Pick it up. I don't hide anything."

I didn't even know how to process it. The words hung in the air, so simple and yet so monumental. My hand hovered over the phone, my mind running through a checklist of what a woman in my shoes was supposed to do. Was this a test? Was he waiting for me to find something? My past had taught me to be a detective, a code-breaker, always on high alert for the next clue that would confirm my suspicions.

But there were no clues. The call was from his mom. The texts were from his friends planning a basketball game. The secrets I was so ready to uncover simply didn't exist. That’s when it hit me—I had become so accustomed to chaos that peace felt uncomfortable. So used to secrets that honesty felt foreign.

My journey with chaos wasn't unique. I remember a time when I was with a guy who insisted on keeping his phone on airplane mode whenever we were together. He'd tell me it was to "disconnect," but the minute he stepped away, the notifications would flood in, a silent testament to the life he was hiding from me. I spent months convincing myself that I was overreacting, that I was crazy, that he was just a private person. But the anxiety and the constant feeling of being on edge wore me down. I started believing that was what a relationship was—a constant negotiation with discomfort.

And maybe that's what true healing looks like. It’s not a grand, dramatic moment of realization. It's the quiet acceptance of peace. It's unlearning the pain someone else caused in the arms of someone who never would. It’s realizing that not every man is the same, and not every relationship has to be a battleground. It’s letting go of the armor you've been wearing for so long and trusting that you're finally in a safe space.

It’s the simple act of a phone call, not snatched away, but offered freely, a gesture of trust that feels strange and new, and in its strangeness, offers a glimpse of what a healthy, honest love can be.

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